Why am I awake at 4:00 a.m.? you may be wondering as you notice the time received next to the date on this e-mail. There is a very good explanation, and lucky YOU, I will now give it to you in all it's grand length and glory, since there is NO way I can sleep now.
At 3:45 I was rudely woken from my sleep (TV was still on) by a tickling sensation under my left arm. I shot straight up into a sitting position and out of the corner of my left eye saw something dark, about the size of a mouse, go running behind me, across the width of my bed and down the side. Horror of HORRORS it was the Palmetto bug from HELL! As the blood drained from my face I FLEW out of bed, frantically kicking off the covers and one very startled cat, stumbled across the floor to the bathroom, turned on the light, grabbed a can of Raid from under the sink, and then stood in the middle of my room and waited. One by one the other cats wandered into the room, eyes blinking and squinting in the light, wondering what the heck I was doing. Tigger, my fearless hunter, saw something move under the bed and scooted under there to investigate. GOOD, I thought, and I waited. There was a scurrying sound and a thump. The other cats were now all peering under the bed. I waited with a death grip on the can, now unable to feel my fingers. As I stood there, exhausted, my eyes started to close and I was swaying a little. There was no way I was getting back into that bed until either I spotted and killed the gargantuan intruder or Tigger came out from under the bed with it. I waited. I contemplated sleeping in my car. Suddenly...MOVEMENT. How I never saw the ginormous creepy-crawly climb up the wall I have NO idea (well...maybe while my eyes were closing?), but there it was sitting on the lip between the molding and ceiling, running like a bug-out-of-hell towards the center of the room. Tigger was now standing on my bed, staring intently at it while I moved in for the kill. The other cats were clueless, still peering under the bed. I aimed and FIRED. All the cats, except Tigger, jumped and scattered at the sudden sound of the spray. The little buggy bastard immediately fell and landed upside-down on a stack of blank cassette tapes on top of my plastic organizer drawer thingy, wet wings stuck to the plastic wrapper, feet up and wiggling ...eewww. He's still there. There is no way I'm touching him. I want to make sure he's good and dead before I grab that cassette and knock him into the toilet bowl . Maybe I'll wait and show it to Peggy this weekend. Why should SHE miss out on all the fun? MUHAHAHA!
SO, here I sit, a grown woman curled up on my office chair, feet off the ground so no bug can climb up my legs, skin still crawling, while all the cats are sound asleep on the floor around me. It's irritating me that they're able to sleep and I can't. I want to wake them all up (no, I won't, but I WANT to). I want a sleeping pill. I want a bug-free home. I want my room to stop smelling like Raid. I want someone else to flush the carcass. I want chocolate. My butt is numb.
I'll probably still be sitting here, frozen in a ball on my chair, as the sun comes up. Maybe THEN I can go back to sleep, as I've only ever seen these monsters come out at night. Yeah, I'm keeping it to show Peggy.
2 comments:
Omg!! HAHAHA the palmetto bug from hell! you should have grabbed one of the saddles from the barn and thrown it on and gone for a joy ride! HAHAHAH!!
Because I know you, I know exactly what your cats were doing and how you were sitting ! Cracks me up to the point of almost peeing in my pants!! HAAHAH!!
SO... do tell... I'd love to hear more 'adventures' of a NYer trapped in the south.... what's the Wal*Mart like?
ROFLMAO!!
XO
Don't get me started on Wally World here.
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